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TF2 short

Because I like Scout being considerate (while at the same time still acting like his usual mouthy ass self), have this.
The Scout plopped down next to the Spy and instead of using his not at all subtle yawn and stretch maneuver to throw an arm around the other man, faced the Spy and looked him dead in the eyes. "Look, if I'm doing something wrong when we fuck, you can tell me, I wouldn't get pissed off or nuthin'."

The Spy chuckled. "Still feeling insecure zat I'm more experienced zan you, petit?"

"Haha, very funny, Spy. Go ahead and spin stories on how ya bagged every woman from here ta Timbucktoo all ya want, but you ain't got me fooled." The Scout stabbed an accusatory finger into the Spy's shoulder, smirking when he saw the Spy flinch. "See? I may not be as 'worldly' as you or whatevah, but I wadn't born yesterday. If you were a woman I'd be introducin' ya ta a halfway house and then takin' a baseball bat ta da asshole who's makin' ya scared 'a even gettin' ta foist base."

The Spy rolled his eyes. "Is that what you think eet eez? Zat I am frightened of intimacy? Has eet not occurred to you zat I am simply bored of sex because seduction eez part of my job?"

The Scout snorted. "What, you some kinda gigolo? And besides, I aintcher pimp. I actually like you and all that shit--why else would I
let your ugly mug anywhere near me?"

This got a smirk out of the Spy. "I could think of a few reasons."

"C'mon, Spy, I'm trying ta have a serious conversation heyah. It's not all dat hot ta have ya naked under me and actin' like yer just lyin' back and takin' it." The Scout leaned in closer. "If yer so good at sex, den gimme some pointers, man! Or let me know what kinda kinky shit yer inta, I wouldn't mind trying some, so long as they're not too weird."

"What I like? Sitting togezzah on zee couch watching television. Having candelit dinners een a small restaurant no-one else has heard of, but zee food eez magnificant. Falling asleep on zee porch swing on a warm summer evening. Holding hands while having a nice stroll." The Spy made a melodramatic gesture. "All terribly uninteresting, non?"

The Scout stared at the Spy, trying to figure out if the other man was kidding. When he realized that the Spy was dead serious, he made a face, blowing air out between his lips. "Man, dat's some pretty pussy shit right dere."

The Spy shrugged. "What can I say? I'm a hopeless romantic."

For the first time in the conversation, the Scout fell silent, twiddling his thumbs while his chewed on his bottom lip. Then he clapped the Spy on the shoulder. "Okay, sure, I can live with dat. I mean, you let me put my dick up yer ass, it's the least I could to is ta do something nice in retoin. Cuddling on da couch? Done, and I can keep my hands ta myself, no problem. Fancy dinners? Name da place and we can go, candles and everything, it's not like I don't got piles 'a cash layin' around. I dunno about no porch swings, but da roof is nice an' quiet at night, and nobody but me goes up dere. As far as holdn' hands, though--no offense, but I wouldn't be caught dead doin' dat wid ya, not while yer dressed as a Spy, anyway."

"None taken. And don't feel like you have to do zose things. You don't owe me anything."

"I know, but I wanna. I told you, man, I like you." Here the Scout let his arms drop. "But expect me ta bring flowers an' chocolate or
nuthin', dat's way too cliche."

At this, the Spy smiled. "Zat eez all right, I'm not big on getting gifts anyway."